Saturday, May 28, 2005

Moving on

I did not think that my loyalty to a childhood friend and wanting to find out her fate could unleash such a torrent of to put it mildly 'strange' emails. Is it unusual to want a reunion with old classmates ?
As promised this will be my last and hopefully final update on this story, obviously it is important to me since I dedicated 3 posts to it.
Well since I found A. last week, we've exchanged some emails, in which she plainly said that she had chosen to stop writing to me for a couple of reasons among them is that she did not get some replies from me ( but hello A. I told you we have sanctions , that means letters take months to arrive and may get lost as well). But the most important reasons was that all those years ago she felt that we had nothing to say to each other anymore on acount of her maturing and me supposedly not ;) and had decided to break the correspondence.
Well that is fine my dear, it would have been more brave to just say it 10 years ago . "Hello Highlander, I think we have outgrown our friendship and should each seek our life. Wish you the best blabla bla . " It would have been so honest, civilised and mature, than to stop writing abruptly. Still no hard feelings, that is not all the story; I gathered it seems something did happen in between the time she broke our correspondence and my getting in touch with her again, because there is a bitterness in those letters and there is allusion to the world of current affairs, to Iraq, to 9/11/ to Islam , to the West . That is what I don't understand. All these things where not part of our world as children. I'm really sorry A. that you have a problem , if you can't voice it , no one can help you. Anyway she was clear at not wanting anything to do with me at all. That is fine , no classmate's reunion I guess :). I accept her choice and I close the chapter on this story, with proper goodbyes. But guess what? The tables have turned and she won't let go. A is demanding answers and bombarding with emails to things which are unrelated to me .I am thinking that I got the wrong person or that I have ended up in a mental hospital. ? It is so painful to loose your childhood memories, now everything is tainted and there are no certainties anymore. So the sanctions have only accelerated a doomed friendship ( I had no idea it was doomed). It is better to know late than never. C'est la vie and it is time to move on. Let us all wish her[A] happiness.

7 comments:

Twosret said...

Hello Highlander,

This situation is very unusual. Sometimes you don't see schoolmates or neighbors for 15 years and if you meet them at the doctor's office you scream, hug, kiss then scream again hug and kiss.

I think your friend (I don't think she was ever your friend) is having some issues. 10 years are such a long time and I'm sure she has been through a lot.

I think it is her loss not yours. I'm sure it is painful to you but guess what this would have happened one way or the other.

There is this famous proverb in the arab world and I guess I can easily dedicate it to a virtual Egyptian Turkey :)

Eza Akramat El Karim Takarama we Eza Akramat El La2eem Tamarada.

Trust me you could have been hurt from her much worse if you were still in touch for 10 years thinking she is your best friend and then come to realize that she is not even a friend.

If I were you I would not e-mail back. She is just a book on your shelf my dear. You have done your best.

God will send you a good friend to cherish your friendship.

T.

highlander said...

Thank you Twosret.
lol@virtual turkey ;)

Her case is very unusual indeed and I am thinking that God knew best and removed her from my life 10 years ago and maybe I should not have gone against his wishes and sought her out, you won't believe the terrrible things she said and which I have censored from my posts. I agree with your proverb and will add one verse from my side: " wa 3asa 'an takrahu shayi'an wa huwa khayrun lakum" ( I hope I got the grammar correct).
I've got the closure and the ending that I wanted, and God has indeed rewarded me with special friends.

Twosret said...

I'm sorry to hear that she showered you with a poisonous rain of words. It only reflects on her.

I can send you my good texan American bootie to kick her smart Libyan butt :) finally I found good use to them hehehee!

"Allah Ya3awed 3alliki"

Highlander said...

She was not Libyan, she was European :(

Highlander said...

However I may still need that Texan bootie lol

bob said...

Dear Highlander,

I think you are probably reading too much between the lines regarding your long-term penpal friendship. Childhood friendships and relations between siblings grow apart for all sorts of reasons that are not anyone's fault. Few allow friendships to fail because of reasons of politics or ideology (if they do they are making a big mistake).

A buddy of mine, a very close friend has polar opposite opinions on politics. Sometimes it has created awkward moments at social events, but in general we accept each other's difference. Life would be very uninteresting if we were all were the same and frankly I want to hear contrary opinions.

Cheer up. You charm will always find new friends.

Regards,

Bob

Highlander said...

Thanks for sharing Bob..God has been generous and I have some really good friends and meeting more constantly !