The one who loves me vs the one I love -UPDATED AGAIN
This month several blogger friends were dissecting the pressure they are made to feel to get married after a certain age , Nura for example was wondering if men were running out :) and in the process she says :
"Why is it that a girl can't just say NO I AM NOT INTERESTED when she is
introduced to someone she does not necessarily feel chemistry with?"
Redenclave had picked up on the topic as well and seems to be in the same dilemna as everyone is trying to set her up and bombarding her with questions, she says :
"Personally, I've had enough of playing the guessing game. It's a waste ofSmokeyspice was in the same hot spot exactly a year ago , her account of what happened and her impression are pretty comical yet all absolutely true :
money & not worth the time. I may seem cold. But some guys are damn
"In itself, reaching 28 would not be an issue...were I not ALSO Libyan,
Muslim, and unmarried. While none of these particular facts of my life have
alarmed me, they seem to be the source of much nervous tension in my
I'm sure this will in no end please my readers who were hoping for some matchmaking :) Here's your chance NBA: carpe diem .
Now this brings us to a vital question regarding marriage/partnership /concubinage ( to be politically correct with those who don't believe in it).
So you are a young woman of a certain age ( or maybe that does not matter anyway either), sooner or later one or several men will be thrown your way , whether by luck, fate, prior arrangement, accident or maybe " it's raining men". In all cases you are faced with a choice that will shape your life - what do you ? well read on to find out . But before you do check this :
* Disclaimer: it is not the intention of the author to offend the canine creatures and certainly not the male gender. OK you can proceed to the post now .
My Libyan girlfriends tell me, “Highlander, always remember to choose the man who loves you more, not the man YOU love more”!
So what’s the theory behind this sweeping statement ? Well…..According to these ladies , “ALL men are dogs”. That’s pretty tough eh ?
Like you, I was puzzled at first when I heard it but over the years and from my observations I’ve concluded that there might be a grain of truth somewhere in this theory at least in relation to Libyan guys, let me clarify .
Apparently if you demonstrate to men love and affection they will think poorly of you and in the process break your heart ; because they might play at Romeo and Juliette with you but when it is time to settle down, it is going to be with someone either their mum has chosen or some girl they imagine has not been in love before [read is not promiscuous. Because take this … . If you show your love, you become in their eyes a woman of loose morals and an easy lay. Yep the less grave situation is that men would simply take you for granted and therefore you become a doormat . Libyan men prefer chasing a woman who will keep them guessing. A woman who will not put their mind at rest and show them how much she cares. Nope they would they would rather pine for her instead of enjoying mutual feelings of love . Isn’t that sadistic and plain crazy. Why do we like to torture ourselves, what happened to plain loving each other and being proud of it ?
I don’t think this theory applies to 'all' Libyan men, and certainly not to ALL men, because I have seen a lot of happy couples. But I’m wondering what criteria to apply when it comes my turn to choose ?
(1) He loves me and will take care of me forever ‘till death do us part’ , it’s an ideal situation as he will provide me with everything…but I only feel a sense of friendship and content with him.
(2) I love him to distraction and we always have a great time together but he keeps making excuses not to tie the knot…
(3) I feel/know he loves me ( but he has not specifically said it) and I love him too but I’m holding out before blurting it because of some stupid rule which says that the man should declare his love to you first
Is it the same all over the world ? Why are the simplest emotions turned into a melodrama? What would you do? accept the one who loves you and have peace of mind but no ‘umph’ in the relationship, insist on the one you love and risk have him drop you when he wants to settle down thus wasting the best years of your life ? Or wait for the perfect match the one who will be lover, friend and brother in brief the soulmate , no matter how long it takes- and then it won’t matter who says what to whom first, because from his voice or glance you would simply know. The only disadvantage with the third choice is sometimes having to wait a lifetime. Do you want to wait a lifetime for that chance at true love ?
Side note : PS I don’t know why telling someone is a dog is considered offensive in our culture maybe because it is equivalent to saying ‘she is a bitch’..
UPDATE- according to the 2006 Libyan census it looks like 'men outnumber women 102.6 to 100' which means that - no Libyan men are not running out ...yay plenty of fish ....
Update no. 2 7/6/2006: Apparently even Soad is having wedding blues