Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Customer Helpdesk

Well I've already wished everyone a Blessed Ramadan and Khadijateri has a wonderful essay about Ramadan in Libya so if you wish to learn about it that is a very no nonsense version with non of the obscure jargon ..go on click on the link.

So in the meantime I received this email, and though it might be a little bit cheesy I thought I'd share a few laughs with you -- at least I laughed , but maybe you have already read these before ? ..whatever..

The following are true telephone conversations recorded from various Help Desks around the U.K :

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have ? Customer: A white one... *********************************************
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button ?
Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ...
Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry . *******************************************************************
Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left ?
*****************************************************************
Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you ?
Customer: Hello... I can't print. Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and ...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me ! I'm >>>not Bill Gates damn it ! >>> ******************************************************************
Customer: Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Everytime I try it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it... *******************************************************************
Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Helpdesk: Do you have a colour printer ?
Customer: No.
*****************************************************************
Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am ?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket. *****************************************************************
Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
Customer: It's not working.
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening. ****************************************************************
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer ?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
***************************************************************
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 feet away.
Customer: OK Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you ?
Customer: Yes Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. I
s there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work ! *******************************************************************
Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters? *******************************************************************
A customer couldn't get on the internet:
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password ?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was ?
Customer: Five stars.
******************************************************************
Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer. ********************************************************************
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears !
********************************************************************
Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you?
Customer: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can you please tell me how long it will take before you can help me?
Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem?
Customer: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4 hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?
*******************************************************************
Helpdesk: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem ?
Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around it ?

Next time I phone any customer service helpdesk ( I know they always record stuff in the UK) I am so going to watch what stupid nonsense I will be uttering . I'm not sure how technically challenged the above people were, but really I can't totally blame them, I've done worse things and they were a major embarassment ..hmmm I still don't feel I can share them here ...no one will ever read this blog again if I do , thank God they did not cath me on tape ...hmmm ok now to think of it maybe they did ...*gasp* I'm outta here.

8 comments:

Twosret said...

Sorry off topic :) Happy Ramadan

Anonymous said...

thank you Twosret :) yalla ba'a come back quickly we missed you ...

tarhooni said...

How's Ramadan going? What time do you get to eat. For us it is 7:00 PM.

highlander said...

We eat at 6:30 PM in London. I'm still in London :)

Anonymous said...

Ramadan Karim to you. I enjoy reading your blogs.
Egyptian in Germany

Highlander said...

Egyptian in Germany. Well thank you Ramadan Karim to you as well ! finally you have spoken out ...I always wondered who was reading me in Egypt ;)

Nura said...

Loved the helpdesk jokes.. Thanks for sharing the humor and giving us a laugh habooba! ;o)

Highlander said...

You're welcome Nura ...hope you liked the next set ;)