Sunday, September 03, 2006

Parrots

A joke *

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him. "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say onething."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, Then he thought for a moment.
"You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time."
"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house.As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison:"Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
There was stunned silence.
Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed,"Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!"

We have the same type of jokes about the Mullahs and the Sheiks since as long as I can remember if you wanna share some you are welcome...

* Disclaimer no offense meant to any religion or its representative- please do not issue fatwas or excomunication threats against Highlander.

18 comments:

Safia speaks said...

I know a different version with the two parrots:

An Iraqi citizen living during the times of Saddam Hussein had a parrot that cursed Saddam all the time and he was arrested on suspicion of treason.
He pleaded so hard for his life, the prison guard promised to give him a chance to prove the parrot did not curse Saddam, if he brought the parrot to the police for interrogation.

The Iraqi was scared, but he decided to switch his parrot with the parrot of his very relious neighbour. The neighbour assured him: "My parrot only speaks nice and only religious words."

The Iraqi man brought that parrot to the Iraqi police, telling them his parrot did not curse Saddam.

The Iraqi police was very suspicious, so they wanted to lure the parrot into revealing itself. They stood in front of it, saying over and over again: "Saddam mal3un, Saddam mal3un"

Then the parrot answered: "Alhamdulillah! Allah yesalmak!"

programmer craig said...

* Disclaimer no offense meant to any religion or its representative- please do not issue fatwas or excomunication threats against Highlander.

That's OK, you were clearly talking about those pervert Catholics :P

That's a good joke, I haven't heard it before. Safia, I didn't understand yours, can you translate the punchline?

Anonymous said...

Safia, Please translate the punch line:) Thanks! Lynne from Texas

Safia speaks said...

Punchline: the parrot says in Arabic "Thank God, may God bless you!"

Safia speaks said...

Oh and the Iraqi policemen were saying: "May Saddam be cursed"

Molestine said...

This is a funny one, discalimer included!

Anonymous said...

Safia, I love it :) Lynne in Texas

Curt from Houston said...

This indirectly brings up an interesting point for me Highlander. You've touched on it a few times in the past, but just what are your thoughts on interfaith marriage? I personally am some what of an agnostic. How do you feel about a Christian man marrying a Muslim woman or vice versa while keeping their individual faiths? How would they raise their children? I‘d be very interested in hearing your thoughts on this matter. There was a time in America when Catholics were discouraged from marrying Protestants and Protestants were discouraged from marrying Catholics. Frankly, discouraged is a vast understatement. Now, most people don’t give it a second thought. Is this also true for Sunnis and sheites? Yes, and I’m not sure that I spelled “sheites” correctly. Please correct if it’s wrong. My spell checker seems to be helpless here.

Curt from Houston said...

A man may open up his soul to his best friend or a comrad in arms. He will only open his hart to a woman.

Highlander said...

Safia :)) thanks for the joke - this one is funny too , I think there are a lot of parrot jokes in the ME.

Hi Lynne in Texas and welcome to my blog...if you have a blog let us know about it so that we can visit you. I hope you will like it here and come back.

Programmer_Craig ;) I knew you were going to insert the Catholics somehow ...he he he

Molestine , :) hey welcome back is your vacation over ? I thought I'd cover my *ss in case someone had ideas a la Khomeini.

Curt from Houston, thanks for bringing up the topic , I've been tinkering with a post about it for the last week and I may have just the thing for you. Also you've left another comment for me on another post , but I can't find which post anymore to reply to you. Would you please send me an email and I'll attempt a thorough reply OK?

A man may open up his soul to his best friend or a comrad in arms. He will only open his hart to a woman.

This is so beautiful is that yours or a quote from someone ?

Libyan Warrior( KING OF AL-ANDLUS) said...

* Disclaimer no offense meant to any religion or its representative- please do not issue fatwas or excomunication threats against Highlander.

Lol. Fuck them and their fatwas. Fuck the Mullahs and Fuck the Sheik. They are idols and if anyone follows their fatwas, they are a Polytheist. All of The Mullahs should be killed. We should all buy sludge hammers, and break them into peices, just like Abraham (PBUH) did, and just like Prophet Muhammad(PBUH)did. Oh well thats kust my 2 cents. (Except Qaradawi cuz he is kinda cool and good for a laugh).

programmer craig said...

Well, for once I agree with you, LW. Best way to deal with terrorists is for everyone to get together and go down to the mosque on friday and grab the nearest jihadi (you know who they are! I know who the idiots in my neighborhood are, and I don't believe for a second it's different anywhere else in the world!) and kick their ass all the way down the street, and then go burn their damn house down. And then do it again next week, and the week after that. Pretty soon, no more jihadis.

You with me, Libyan Warrior? Yeah. I thought not :P

Libyan Warrior( The King Of Al-Andalaus) said...
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Libyan Warrior( The King Of Al-Andalaus) said...
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Libyan Warrior( KING OF AL-ANDLUS) said...

lol. craig u just dont get it do u? i am sure your intentions r good man, but the united States government's intentions are not. i am sure their r many men in The Armed forces who really want to do good, but your base is curropt and by that I mean the government. The US government has showed us( Arabs and Muslims) time and time again that they only care about themselves and achiving their goals. I personally think the US shipping weapons to Israel so they could bomb the hell out of Lebonan the most secular westernized nation in the Arab and Muslim world)was a true indication that The American government could give a fuck less about Freedom or Democracy or our well being. the fact that u even claim it shows how stupid you think we are. just Because we are not Europeans does not mean that we are not able to think. Its really more colonialistic tactics the colored people are stupid give them a bone and they will quite down. Well let me tell u something buddy we "colored people" have caught on. Your freedom is sour, the government has perverted the word. just like they perverted democracy and every other western idea. The US is run by a Fanatical group of Evangelical Christians who will do anything to secure the Middle East for the jews in hope that the Jesus(PBUH) return. the US is enaged in a holy war as well as a Euro-Centric colonial mission. And me being neither a Christian nor a European, i can not possibly support that. Yes some Jihadis may actually be part of some terrorist plots, and while they are wrong they are VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY small compared to the terrorist acts which the United States has commited. So if asked to choose side in this matter the answer would be neither. I choose the side of truth, and I choose the side of the right. I dont half ass things and pick the lesser of the two evils. As far as all jihadis being terroists I beg to differ my friend, in Iraq the only terrorist is the US, and in palistine the only terrorist is the Zionist invaders, and in afganistan the only terrorist is the united States, and in Chechnya the only terrrists are the Russians. The jihadis in our Muslim countries are not terrorists they are native sons of the lands which your people (European Jews and Christians) have invaded. They are patriots, they are brave men and they are brave women, who fight to defend their countries, and their way off life. they have not attacked anyone, they have been attacked their lives have been destroyed, so no craig i will not help you find and beat the brave individuals who have risen to fight against the opression of their people. As far as the mullahs go, many of their rulings go against Islamic Law and tradition particularly Scholars from the Wahhabism sects, and The radical Shite Right. They do not bother me so much because their claims and rulings are flawed and up to interpertation, their is also no compulision in Religion, so as far as i see it their will be no mullah take over because a Mullah take over would be against the very premiss of Islam. See The US in my opinion for the longest time has been putting these false meancing images of burkas, and beatings and associating them with islam. but if one where to look at the actual teachings of Islam one would easily be ableto realize that all of this runs contrary to Islam. And the people who are the ones who are the poster boys for this form of Islam are generally funded by the United States. So i have come to the conclusion that all of the "Extreamists" are really part of the Zionist paln in the Middle East. oh well thats just my thoughts on the matter.

Adam said...

As each and one of us is respectfully staying on Highlander's subject of [political] parrot jokes I thoght that I might do some Googling* (*not a TM) on the aforementioned subject. From the clickable link here are two gems:

This guy is in a plane when he feels thirsty. He calls the stewardess and asks her politely for a Large Whiskey.There's a parrot in the seat next to him,who snaps,"A double Scotch and make it quick". "Yes ,sir"the stewardess says, and quickly gets the bird his drink - but ignores the guy. The parrot downs his in one gulp, and says "gimme another". The stewardess gets him a second drink, ignoring the guy again. The guy, meanwhile has been asking for his drink very politely. He decides to use the parrot's tactics and snarls at the stewardess,"You @#*$# hag, get me my bloody Scotch!". Suddenly a large co-pilot comes out of the cockpit and ejects both the guy and the parrot off the plane.

As they're falling, the parrot turns to the guy and says "You know, you're quite brave for someone who can't fly...".

* * * * *

Before the collapse of communism, this Russian guy loses his pet parrot. He looks everywhere, all around the neighborhood, in the park, everywhere. He can't find the parrot. Finally he goes around to the KGB office, and tells the desk officer his problem. The officer is a little puzzled. "Look, comrade, I'm sorry you lost your bird, but this is the KGB. We don't handle missing animal reports." "Oh, I know that", says the guy. "I just wanted you to know, if you do find my parrot... I don't know where he could have picked up all his political ideas."

Highlander said...

LW and Craig , even in parrot jokes you manage to bring in the War on Terror :)

Adam he he he I never thought of googling for parrot jokes I might just do that .. thank you :)

programmer craig said...

Hi H,

War on Terror

I decided not to use that one anymore. I'm saying "war on idiots" for now... when I come up with something better, I'll let you know ;P